Types of Domestic Violence
Friday, 18 December 2009 18:53
Kristin
Domestic Violence is abuse committed against a person by someone related by marriage, a domestic partnership or someone with whom you are having or have had an intimate or dating relationship. Domestic abuse can be physical, mental, emotional, and sexual.
Physical Abuse – Physical abuse is when your date or your wife, husband, domestic partner, date or former intimate partner uses force against you such as hitting you, pushing you, knocking you down, choking you and any other way they can use their body or another object to hurt your body. If you use assistive devices or need their assistance to reach a telephone, they may remove the devices or put barriers in the way of your mobility.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse - Emotional abuse can be non-verbal or verbal. Your husband, wife, domestic partner, date or former intimate partner makes threats to hurt you, her-/himself, the children, the pets, service animals, report you to social services, says you won’t get visitation, or he/she will take the children, or will have you deported. Says everything is your fault, calls you names, put downs, isolates you from your family and friends, destroys your property.
Economic Abuse – If your current or former intimate partner prevents you from getting or keeping a job, controls all the money so you have to ask for it, takes your money, gives you an allowance, or doesn’t let you know about or have access to the family income.
Sexual Abuse – Your current or former intimate partner forces sex on you when you do not want it or forces you to perform sexual acts you do not want to do, even if you are married.
Last Updated ( Friday, 18 December 2009 18:56 )
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Cycle of Violence
Friday, 18 December 2009 18:58
Kristin
Abusive relationships often follow a typical pattern with three phases:
(insert cycle of violence graphic from brochure)
Phase I: Tension Building - You feel like you are ‘walking on eggshells,’ and afraid of confrontation. The abuser is edgy, easily agitated and unpredictable. Anxiety is heightened.
Phase II: Acute or Abusive – Anxiety leads to an explosion of physical or sexual violence. A crime is committed. If the relationship has not yet included physical abuse to this point, the abuser may threaten with physical abuse or may become very scary at this point, screaming and yelling more violently than before.
Phase III: Honeymoon – Abuser begs forgiveness and swears it will never happen again. The abuser denies violent actions or blames you. You may feel anger, love, guilt, fear, remorse. You want to believe your partner, you forgive, you stay.
Safety Planning
Friday, 18 December 2009 19:01
Kristin
If you are scared for your life or fear the abuser will be violent to your or the children, call 911.
Before another violent act takes place, make escape plans:
- Identify a safe place where you can go and leave a bag of essential clothing, car keys, and essential papers and records there or with a trusted friend or relative.
- Make a list of important telephone numbers (emergency phone numbers, friends, relatives, and/or colleagues) and keep a supply of coins or a charged up go-phone with you to make phone calls.
- Talk about your safety plan with your children. You should have a signal that only you and your children know. They must understand that once the signal is given, they have to leave the house QUICKLY and that they must call police or ask a neighbor to call the police.
- If your abuser has access to your cell phone account or computer, get a prepaid cell phone and recognize he/she may read your e-mail, messages and look at the web sites you have visited.
Important phone numbers for Tuolumne County:
Emergency—Law Enforcement, Fire, Ambulance: 911
Sheriff non-emergency number: 533-5815
Sonora Police Department non-emergency number: 532-8143
Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault 24 hour Crisis Line: 1-800-454-4766 or 533-3401
Behavioral Health 24 hour Crisis Line and Office: 533-7000
Effects on Children
Friday, 18 December 2009 19:32
Kristin
Children are always affected by domestic violence. Whether they are awake or asleep, in the same room or in another room, whether they are infants or as old as teens, they are affected by emotional, psychological and physical abuse within the household, even when it is not directed toward them.
If children are exposed to the violence repeatedly, they can develop severe behavior changes, develop Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and their developing brains can be damaged. The State of California recognizes domestic violence as child abuse.
Children in abusive households may be subject to incest or sexual molestation, be physically or psychologically abused and controlled, have their pets abused or threatened,
Below are some behavioral changes of children exposed to domestic violence, incest and abuse:
- Changes in sleeping and nursing or eating patterns
- Bedwetting
- Depression
- Lethargy
- Nightmares
- Extreme clinginess
- Low self-esteem, Shyness, shame, isolation, withdrawal
- Over-responsibility, trying to care for the parent, defend the parent
- Violent behavior
- Submissive behavior
- Inability to concentrate
Children who receive counseling or trauma therapy after leaving a violent situation may be able to reverse some of the behavioral changes.
Teen Dating Violence
Friday, 18 December 2009 19:15
Laura Sunday
More than 1 in 10 teens experience physical violence in their dating relationships. Many more experience emotional or psychological abuse from their dates or partners. Violence is pushing, smacking, punching, pinching, biting, restraining, forcing you into sex, bullying, name calling and put-downs, jealousy, grabbing or anything else that hurts you or makes you feel uncomfortable. People who abuse usually come from violent homes, blame others for making them angry, don’t know other ways of handling their feelings. People who are abused make excuses for their partner’s or date’s behavior, think any partner is better than being alone, accept the blame even if it’s not their fault, believe that if they love the abuser enough, they’ll change. Warning Signs - you are scared when you are with your partner
- your partner controls you by being bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions and not respecting your opinions, being jealous of who you talk to
- you are worried about how your partner will react to the things you say or do
- your partner humiliates or embarrasses you in front of others
- you are lying about how you got bruises, scratches, or other injuries to people who care about you
If you are in a violent relationship... You are not alone. You may feel alone, but you are not. You are not the only person who has been involved in an abusive relationship. The abuse is not your fault. The person who hurt you is making a choice to hurt you. There is never an excuse for hurting another person. The abuse is not your fault. It is the fault of the person who hurts you. Trust your feelings. You know yourself. If you are feeling scared or unsafe or uncomfortable, trust those feelings. You have the right to feel safe in a dating relationship. Get some help and support for yourself. Surround yourself with people who will support you. Contact the Center for a Non-Violent Community for help. Learn safety skills. Make a plan for how to get yourself to safety if your partner or dates becomes violent. Learn how to use cell phones, e-mail, and social networking sites safely.
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Domestic Violence